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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28475718">Fury's No Good, Very Bad Day</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhinoMouse/pseuds/Rhino'>Rhino (RhinoMouse)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Random Unconnected AOS Oneshots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack Treated Seriously, Daisy is a Brat, Espionage and Blackmail, Fate Regrets Daisy Meeting Captain Marvel, Fury is Having a Bad Day, Gen, Hacker Skye | Daisy Johnson, Nick Fury is Not Amused, Phil Coulson is Baffled, Space Time Bullshit, Time Travel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:42:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,704</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28475718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhinoMouse/pseuds/Rhino</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fury is used to a sort of anonymity. He's the director of a covert agency for gods sake. Opening his email shouldn't involve threats to every level of security within SHIELD. Said threats should also not open up with the words 'Sup Furylicious'. He is never, ever going to be free of the indignity.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Random Unconnected AOS Oneshots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2134464</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>513</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fury's No Good, Very Bad Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sup! Happy New Years! Figured this oneshot makes a good 'thanks for an awesome year of comments, kudos and just ya'll being generally awesome!' Anyways fingers crossed for a better year this year! </p><p>Side note, how weird is it that Fury and Coulson have the same middle name? I just think that's kinda hilarious.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Director Nicholas J Fury stared at the eight people in his office. He glared, daring anyone to ask why they were there. It was a shitty day. Having to bring the newly minted Black Widow in on a level nine op was just...and fucking Barton. In fact there wasn’t a single agent above level five in his office at the moment. He reached out and hit the play button on his computer. The encrypted file that had just fucking shown up on his god damn private motherfucking laptop started to play. </p><p>The voice was being changed, age, gender, everything was disguised leaving few options. It opened up rather alarmingly. -”Sup Furylicious, you really should update your cyber security, I mean I’m good but it only took like an hour to get into SHIELD systems. Now that I’ve got your attention Nicholas J Fury I’d like to ensure I keep it. Your secret pet project the Avenger Initiative is named after the flight call sign of Carol Danvers. She’s a Kree and Tesseract fuelled meta-human who assisted you and Philip Coulson with the Skrull refugee issue. You lost your eye to an alien species called a flerkan, the flerkan in question is named Goose and scratched your eye. The venom in the claw caused your eye to become infected. Your favorite specialist team is Strike Team Delta. It's comprised of Philip J Coulson, Clinton Francis Barton codename Hawkeye, and Natalia Alianovna Romanoff now known as Natasha Romanoff codename Black Widow. The first 084 was seized by Peggy Carter at the end of WWII from a Hydra officer by the name of Reinhart. It is a metal obelisk that turns anyone who touches it into stone. It was originally held by the SSR but Agent Carter had it brought with her when she formed SHIELD. In the year-”-</p><p>And so it continued for ten solid minutes of high level SHIELD intel pages being summarized, personal information about his own career that was private and no one should know but wasn't technically actionable. It's how everything went, the delicate and dangerous intel neatly side stepped in such a way anyone who didn’t know the context wouldn’t have more than a list of names and oddly specific details that meant nothing. But everyone in the room was picking up on the incredibly classified implications that information had. Even fucking Natasha’s eyebrows were rising up her forehead in what was probably surprise. </p><p>Finally, finally the altered voice got to the point. -”Hopefully I’ve proved exactly why you should be listening to me. While I doubt you will believe me, I do not want us to be enemies. I have intel on several high level operatives inside SHIELD who’s loyalty lies elsewhere. In exchange for their names I require a meeting. Phil Coulson’s favorite diner, not the one he says is his favorite, the one that actually is. Eight am tomorrow. I will only speak to you personally and you alone. Of course as the Director you’re welcome to scout out, survale and have security present. However as the intel I intend to exchange for this meeting involves multiple traitors in your ranks I’ve included a file of appropriate operatives whose loyalty to SHIELD can be confirmed.”-</p><p>-”Of course I also have every digital file level seven and under copied and set to be made public on a timed release. If I fail to check in every hour after the meeting it goes live. So no black bags, only you in the diner, and I pick up a single agent not on the list I sent you and I won’t show. Again I’d like to not be your enemy, we have the same goals. It would be a waste of resources and time to be at odds. But it’s not paranoia if they’re out to get you. Tomorrow, eight am, Coulson’s favorite diner.”- The file ended. </p><p>Fury stared at the assembled agents, all of whom were on the fucking list. And the worst thing was they were all exactly the correct type of agents for running an op this sensitive. Oh a few choices were...odd. Like the freshly recruited former marine Hill, Strike Team Delta, but Hand was well on her way to being promoted up the ranks into command. She was an ideal option for running the op. The list had even been long enough he could pick which agents from it to use that he preferred. “Anyone have anything to say?” </p><p>“Was most of that even in our files?” Clint asked. “Because I do not remember telling anyone my favorite color was purple or that I feed my dog pizza.” </p><p>His jaw twitched. “No, 60% of that is not recorded anywhere.” </p><p>“Gives weight to their assertion of high ranked traitors.” Hand said slowly. </p><p>Which wasn’t that just fucking peachy. “Indeed.” He steepled his hand. “So you lied about your favorite diner?” </p><p>Coulson didn’t even twitch at the accusation, the asshole. “It’s two blocks from Steve Rogers’s Brooklyn apartment.” </p><p>Fury wished the man still had the respect to at least pretend to be intimidated. “We have twelve hours to prepare for this meeting. I hope none of you had plans.” He didn’t really care if they had plans or not. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Fury walked into the diner at exactly eight o’clock. He was wired, every table in the damn place was wired, the staff had all been vetted, the entire block was under surveillance and covered by snipers. Natasha was pretending to be waiting for a bus across the street. He hated that preparing was all he could do. The threat, and it was beyond credible that the entire security of SHIELD rested on this meeting going well, was forcing him to follow their rules...for now. </p><p>He ignored the waitress and took the corner booth and sat down. They’d have to come to him. It was petty, but fuck it. There were two retired looking dock workers at the counter drinking coffee, a harried professional eating breakfast alone, divorce probably, a waitress named Vivian and a cook. Fury’s teeth clenched slightly, the asshole was late. </p><p>Vivian the waitress walked up to him and set his favorite fucking blackberry pancakes, bacon and two eggs over easy in front of him. She then set down a cup of black coffee, no sugar or milk was added to the table. She beamed at him. “Your niece called ahead and ordered for you dear. Don’t worry, it’s all taken care of.” </p><p>“Thank you.” Fury stared at his food like it might bite as the woman bustled off. The door opened and an unaccompanied child walked in and headed straight for him. </p><p>He was going to get directions to a second and assuredly not staked out location then. Fury braced himself. Kid was wearing my little pony sneakers, holey old jeans, and a purple sweatshirt with pink hearts on it at least two sizes too big, hair was in a neat french braid then. Kid probably got paid twenty bucks to come deliver the message to him. Smart. </p><p>The girl, somewhere between nine and eleven range, promptly sat down across from him. She looked up, her eyes sparked with...amusement? “Sup Furylicious! And if you’re not going to eat that I’ll take care of some of it for you.” She looked at his plate pointedly. </p><p>He stared at the kid. Fury pushed the plate over. “You have a message for me then?” </p><p>“Message?” She snorted while grabbing the set aside silverware. “Nope, and you should drink the coffee, it's not poisoned.” The girl started cutting the pancake up into bite sized pieces. “Sorry about all the subterfuge, spy stuff you know? And honestly getting the head of a super secret spy organization to listen to you when you’re ten is kinda difficult.” </p><p>Fury raised a brow in disbelief. The kid wasn’t serious. There was no way on god’s fucking green earth, SHIELD’s security had been turned into swiss cheese by a ten year old. “Hmm.” </p><p>“Oh you still don’t believe me, it’s cool.” She stuffed a bite of pancake into her mouth, eyes closing as she hummed in delight. Opening her eyes again she looked at him, and her eyes were just a tad too sharp. “My name’s Daisy Johnson and Carol Danvers tricked the Kree with a classic lunchbox on the station where the arcade high scores were held by a Skrull child. And I know Carol cause I’m an alien.” </p><p>He stiffened entirely. If this kid was a Skrull. “Skrull?” </p><p>“Kree.” Her head tilted slightly. “Well part Kree on my mother’s side. I still bleed red so I’d prefer not getting stabbed to check that if you don’t mind. And I know so much cause I’m from the future, or well my consciousness is from the future, this is my body from the current timeline. It's kind of confusing.” Her face twisted in disgust. “I’m not looking forward to going through puberty again.” </p><p>Fury picked up the coffee, he was clearly going to need it. And it was actually decent coffee, also not poisoned with anything he could taste. “Time travel?” </p><p>“Don’t worry, the people who invent it are twelve right now and on a different continent. Also if we as a species don’t go to war with the alien robots and I don’t accidentally destroy the planet they won’t need to invent it so not particularly relevant.” She took another bite of pancake. “And the situation that caused this was unique enough it shouldn’t happen again.” She clearly noted his incredulous expression. “Carol, Brunhilda and I got drunk in an alien museum and decided to see what my abilities would do to an infinity stone. Clearly a terrible idea. From what I felt and recall I think it only shared my consciousness with this version of me. By making contact with you I’ve altered the timeline enough this has become an alternate or parallel timeline. I can’t get back to where I belong, and a version of me is still in my original timeline so no reason for anyone to come rescue me. Which means I could sit around and get moved around foster homes till Coulson adopts me and then just redo everything as closely to the first time round. Or I could contact you now and change some shit.” </p><p>Fury actually reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. Because, horrifyingly, that made far too much sense. The personal details that wouldn’t have been recorded. They were all things Coulson could believably learn over the next fifteen or so years especially if he got promoted up the chain of command. And if she was Coulson’s future adopted kid, of course she’d probably met all the agents she named on the list. He could hear several people swearing over the comms. “Change what exactly?” </p><p>“The fall of SHIELD, duh.” She grinned, and fuck. This was like Barton and Romanoff had had a spawn to inflict on him. He knew that look. </p><p>He felt physically pained as he spoke. “The fall of SHIELD?” </p><p>“Hmm.. Alexander Pierce is the current Hydra Head running US Hydra operations. You’ve got a Hydra infestation in SHIELD right now. To be fair to you, SHIELD’s had a Hydra infestation since operation Paperclip after the war. But in like ten years they’re going to have a coming out party. They don’t win, but it’s a bit of a pyrrhic victory for SHIELD. You go on the run and make Coulson Director. Assistant Director Hill takes a job for Stark to take in the burned agents and keep Congress’s attention off the few SHIELD teams I’ll manage to keep from being burned. Coulson starts rebuilding using old SSR bases since all of SHIELD’s bases and property is seized by the US Army.” </p><p>Fury took a long drink of his coffee, his mind categorizing what he could. It was worryingly plausible. Interesting Hill would rise that fast, he’d marked her out for watching though. And operation Paperclip had been something Director Carter had protested. It was a stupid ass idea anyways. Letting Nazi’s into the government no matter the reason was stupid. He’d noticed things that didn’t quite fit. Nothing he could act on...but things that would fit into the story he was being told. “Then?” </p><p>“Uh a lot of shit? Coulson dies like so many times it’s basically a bizarre destiny power thing that he always comes back. He’s pushed out of the Director position after a mission goes so far FUBAR the planet almost gets mind controlled. Then after Mace is Director for like a year he dies and I get made Director for a week. Which, I will shoot anyone who tries to make me Director again. I don’t care if I won’t really be twenty four this time, I’m not doing it.” Johnson leveled him a glare that honestly would be terrifying if she didn’t still have baby fat lingering on her cheeks. </p><p>Fury’s hands twitched at the idea of a future where in fourteen years the Director was a twenty four year old part alien. “What do you want?” </p><p>“To help reform SHIELD before Hydra murders thousands of good agents. Prevent like four different near misses of apocalypses, and I’d very much like to avoid having to pretend to be a ten year old.” Johnson set her fork down. “I don’t know who all is Hydra, I have names of agents and individuals I know are or will be Hydra leadership. I also know a lot about their methods and communication, codes, and strategies. I can help you investigate, locate and put down every Hydra agent on the planet. And nothing but scorched earth policy will stop them.” It was actually disturbing to see a ten year old coldly proposing wholesale slaughter. He approved. </p><p>Fury folded his hands in front of him. “And in exchange for that assistance what do you want?” </p><p>“I want Coulson or Melinda May to formally adopt me. I will make your life hell if I have to go to middle school again.” Johnson’s nostrils flared. “I’ll come into SHIELD as a level eight agent minimum clearance to assist with Hydra and prepare SHIELD for what is coming. Thanks to time travel I’m arguably the best hacker on the planet, sixteen years ahead of the curve and all that. Once I get muscle memory back and am a few years older I can work in the field. I was a senior field agent. I’m sure you could use me. I want access to the first 084 otherwise known as the obelisk for ten minutes. You give me that and I can give you the Winter Soldier.” </p><p>He picked up his coffee and took a long drink to disguise his shock. The fucking Winter Soldier? Damn man was a myth. Apparently fucking not. Fury considered the ten year old. “What else?” </p><p>“I can assist in preventing the deaths of tens of thousands of people in the next alien invasion. I also can serve as a liaison with a community of enhanced that have been quietly hiding from society for the past several thousand years. And I know every major player that’s going to rise in the next sixteen years.” Johnson took a bite of pancake. “Also I know about the lie detector you’ve been working on. I’ll take it. But I withhold the right to tell you when you have a stupid ass idea. Still I’ll wear a GPS tag for you for a probationary period of up to three years.” </p><p>Fury held out his hand. “I believe we can make that work.” Damn kid had already offered up exactly what he’d have asked for. It was irritating to be offered a final, already negotiated deal, without having had to do any of the negotiating. Made him feel twitchy. Coulson was responsible for this. </p><p>Johnson grinned while taking his hand. “Cool. Should probably mention my call signs were Quake and The Destroyer of Worlds.” </p><p>“Mother fucker.” Fury’s hand tightened slightly before letting go. “How?” </p><p>“I’m gonna be able to make things shake.” Johnson was clearly amused. “And I’m not getting rid of my insurance policy against being dropped off in the Fridge till my probation is over.” </p><p>He hated this. Damned kid was a menace. Fury tapped his comm, it was a gesture of goodwill. “Coulson, congratulations. It’s a girl.” </p><p>////</p><p>Coulson stared at the ten year old who’d been smugly smirking at everyone since she’d done something to the 084 and hatched out of a rock cocoon. He wasn’t actually sure what to do. If what she said was correct she was basically his kid. But from the future. Odd. But he worked for SHIELD, he’d seen weirder. “So….” </p><p>“Do you have a guest room in your apartment?” Daisy looked at him curiously. </p><p>He blinked. “I have a spare room I never use?” </p><p>“We should probably go get a bed then.” She clapped her hands together. “Also a laptop, I’ll reimburse you once my first paycheck comes in.” </p><p>It took a minute to decide whether this was a point he should argue or not. If she was actually ten he’d be putting his foot down that he would be paying. But she was technically closer to thirty than well...yeah. He squinted. “So uh...do you need special kid sized bed stuff?” </p><p>“Oh wow you have clearly not had to deal with Clint’s spawn yet.” She reached out a tiny hand and patted his forearm in comfort. “Come on, there’s some department stores with Captain America themed bed sets. We can go through a build a bear and make some Howling Commando Bears afterwards.” </p><p>That was...that was a good point. No more secret internet merch orders. Kids were supposed to like that stuff. It was just being a good dad to buy every Captain America action figure known to man. “Do you want to get ice cream afterwards? With the sprinkles?” </p><p>“Duh.” She grinned with a warm affection. </p><p>Oh. Oh she really was his future kid wasn’t she? Coulson found he believed it for the first time as he looked at this tiny kid looking at him with so much affection and trust. He smiled back. “So are you going to need a booster seat or something?” He happily started leading them towards his car. </p><p>Daisy seemed to consider it. “Probably...I haven’t had my next growth spurt yet and I refuse to die by fender bender.” </p><p>“Do you think they make booster seats in Captain America colors?” He asked genuinely curious. </p><p>She bit at her lower lip. “I don’t know...he hasn’t been melted out of the ice so the national obsession hasn’t reached fever pitch yet. But he’s kind of a national icon and that cartoon is still on isn’t it?” </p><p>“They just started a reboot last year actually.” He beamed as she automatically took his hand when he offered it. </p><p>Daisy laughed softly. “They’ll have it then. Do you have a waffle maker yet? Cause Captain America and waffles was our Saturday tradition.” </p><p>“We can get one.” Coulson beamed down at the kid. “Have you seen my card collection?” </p><p>She squeezed his hand and looked at him sympathetically. “Never bring them on a helicarrier. The blood that soaked into them kinda molded. You were very upset.” </p><p>“Do you mind if we pick up some more protective covers?” He asked. </p><p>Daisy just smiled. “Of course not. And I’m not letting you get stabbed on a helicarrier anyways.” </p><p>They happily reached the car. It was as Coulson was climbing into the driver's seat he felt a shiver of pure fear. “Did you say Clint is going to have children?” </p><p>“Yup.” The girl smirked. “So does Tony Stark.” </p><p>Phil stilled completely as he imagined the hellscape the child must come from. “I’m so sorry you lived through that.” </p><p>“I never had to deal with either. Considering you’re going to be both of their handlers though you did develop a bit of a twitch. Claimed it was why you went bald.” She replied easily, kicking her feet seemingly curious about how her feet didn’t reach the floor of the car. </p><p>He swallowed. “SHIELD recruits Stark?” </p><p>“Not SHIELD, you.” She reached out and patted his arm. “You’ll know when, he sorta gets the kick in the pants he needs to become a vaguely noble and heroic person. Very heroic, the noble is debatable.” </p><p>Coulson just wheezed, because playboy weapons dealer Tony Stark was neither of those things. The absolute shit show required for that sort of deep personal change was horrifying to imagine. Also… “I’m going to go bald?” </p><p>“You’re hiding it well but the process has already begun.” She looked at him with an amused light in her eye. “Don’t worry, you still look very distinguished, partially bald. Very dad, but the ladies apparently eat that shit up.” </p><p>He touched his receding hairline. “Any future knowledge that will save the hair?” </p><p>“Sadly no. Unless you want to try traveling to a space drug den and asking around. They might actually have something. Carol found this one compound that made you turn hot pink.” Daisy was far too amused, and that light in her eye...that was all Melinda May about to make someone’s life hell as a prank. </p><p>Coulson cleared his throat. “No thanks. So booster seat for the car first?” </p><p>“Unfortunately.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Coulson stood in front of Fury’s desk. “You asked for me Sir?” </p><p>“You bought the time traveling hacker a laptop?” Fury’s voice had a repressed fury to it. Very fitting for the man. </p><p>He didn’t blink. “Also stickers to decorate it with. How did you know Sir?” </p><p>Fury’s eye twitched. He turned his computer screen around. It was a mosaic of sparkling cat pictures. </p><p>Coulson barely bit back laughter. “I wasn’t aware you were that big of a cat person Sir.” </p><p>“I want a list of at least fifty Hydra moles by dinner Coulson. If she has time for this she’s got time for rooting out some rats.” Fury turned his screen back around. </p><p>Coulson didn’t mention Fury hadn’t mentioned changing his computer background. A smug smile twitched his lips, this parent thing wasn’t so bad.</p>
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